Showing posts from 2012


This is exactly what I try very hard to do, each of these tips. It is not easy and requires practice. This is just one of the things that changed my view of the world and how I fit in it.
 (It has become real easy)
The Ten Truth Skills
1. Experiencing what is.
Distinguish between what you actually experience (see, hear, sense, feel, notice, remember) versus what you imagine (interpret, believe, assume) to be true. The statement “I see you looking at the floor’ is your own experience. The statement ‘I see you are uncomfortable’ is an interpretation. If you get caught up in believing your interpretations about another person’s behavior, you’ll be responding to your interpretation of what she did instead of what she actually did.
2. Being transparent.
To be transparent is to be willing to be seen, warts and all. Contrary to what we may think, most people become more appealing when they reveal their needs and insecurities. This doesn’t mean presenting the story of your wounds…

The Freis Dilemma

I don't know where to start. I want to tell a story about a fellow I grew up with named Tony Freis.
Tony and I met originally in juvenile detention, we would continue to know each other, from that time, until his death.
That death is what this post is about.
Tony and I were not exactly friends. He was one of those guys that nobody liked. He was a thief, he was a liar, he was loud, obnoxious, and generally a real jerk, all the time.
I guess I always sort of drew those types in. Every type of asshole. The unpopular, the strays.  We were all flawed, we were as yet, unfinished and immature.
Tony was a tough case though, even for me. My wife hated him, she wouldn’t come out of her room if he was around. She was right, there was no good reason for him to be around. Trouble of one kind or another would always follow. I had actually fought him on several occasions. That was part of the problem, I guess. He was hard for me to beat up, and I was twice his size. I guessed at th…

Mania, My own anti-drug

Today, I had someone point out to me that I seem to have a lot of time on my hands. They were wondering just how I manage that. If there was an easier way to put this I would. I have very little time on my hands actually because I have figured, quite purposely, how to fill it all up. I am way behind on so many things that I’ve intended to do, that it would be embarrassing to try to explain the whys and wherefore’s of it.
I am a real manic. I was diagnosed a couple years ago and, depending on who’s looking, have tried various treatments. Of course, I’ve tried many medications. The trouble with medications is that the very same things in my head that drive me to the brink of insanity, are the same things that make me well; LeRoi So medications have not been a favorite way to treat the problem as far as I’m concerned.
Therapy is a useful tool that I personally believe would help anybody, in one way or another. Shit, an opportunity to vent and whine and snivel and …

The Influence

The first time my brother David approached me about the bank robberies, I just laughed him off. We had been discussing the fact that I had a two month old baby, my rent was past due, I had lost my job and things were looking rather bleak. David looks at me and says, “Bro, this guy I was locked up with, told me how to get away with bank robbery.” I thought he was joking, or that he wouldn’t really want to rob a bank. “His old lady worked for Bank of the West for years. She says that from the time they know they are being robbed, until the police arrive, is about three minutes!” He was serious. “Do you know how much money you can grab in three minutes?” He was convincing. “If I think of a better way to help you feed Amanda, I’ll do it, but I say we hit this bank.”
About two weeks later, we took my Plymouth Valiant, about two and a half blocks, to the First California Savings and Loan. David went in while I sat with the car running. He was back out about thirty five secon…

Magic, Really

Today I see my own experiences so very differently.  I speak often about how I see things in what I can only say in an unusual light.
I now understand that the greatest gift I ever received from my parents, was in fact, an early demise.  I realize a statement like that deserves a reasonable explanation.  Every tale I've told, every lesson I pass on, is, in fact, my explanation.
Had my mother not passed, I would have never left Oklahoma, never my wife, children, grandchildren.
All those things most valuable to my very existence, could never have been.  I shed tears even now as I write and ponder that my own mother and I could never share these people that she never knew.  They could have never known her. Her existence would negate theirs.  Profoundly sad, yet when this idea first began to materialize in my mind.  I was absolutely filled with a true sense of gratitude.  Mainly, because I know how much she has given of her, so that my life is full of the most important things, love, …

Socially Speaking; (The Rant)

I’ve been thinking. I watch the news, I read an awful lot. I have been studying, among another things, the human condition. Mostly, the human condition as it applies to us here in the US. I happen to believe that borders and separating human beings was a mistake right from the start. I truly think that as we were evolving, both physically and socially, we could have made some better choices in our reactions to the environment. The biggest one, in my humble opinion, was this idea of breaking into groups. Suddenly we were different; he has red hair…that person is darker in color..etc. Now, instead of humanity standing together to grow and feel and learn, we looked and found differences that has nearly ever since, kept us focused on that, instead of our mutuality. I have stated many times, I am not the most educated person, nor do I claim any expertise in human nature or development. I am just a regular cat, maybe slightly eccentric, but really a regular Joe. It …

St. Peter's Gate (Iced Tea)

I am an atheist.  I guess that is a simple way of describing my present belief system. I am still available to have my mind changed.  I wish that someone, anyone could show me some new information. Something that will make me realize that I have been wrong.  I have read thousands of documents.  I have searched and investigated.  I have spoken with people. I have written letters to inquire about this subject.  So far, there have been no epiphanies, no new information that would make obvious the existence of an external God. I will continue to look but there seems to be no evidence.
I believe that we, as a species, underestimated just how huge this entity would need to be.  Every God that I have ever had described to me was, in fact, to small time, to worship.  I think when we were imagining what God was; we had a real bad idea of how big the universe is.  We then made him very small.  Do you know that if we had a scale model of our known universe, even if this scale mod…

A Tornado Miracle

I was watching an old news broadcast.  It was from somewhere in central Kansas, there had been a terrible tornado.  The storm had completely destroyed a small farming community.  In fact, every single human being in this small farming town of under fifty people were killed, except one family that had managed to save themselves by getting into the storm cellar before the winds prevented it.
That is a very sad and horrible news story.  I found it while looking through data of weather patterns when I was planning a trip to the middle of the country.  I was intrigued by the headline so I decided to watch the short video of those survivors being interviewed there locally. The interviewer started with a simple question.  “What do you attribute to the fact that only you and your family were able to survive this atrocity?” As the camera began to zoom toward the face of this average American family man, I knew what was coming and I was sick for it. “Why, it is only because of the gre…

Wrestling with Self

As a youngster, I lived in a very small town. The school we went too, was the only one in town. The entire student population was about three hundred students. That’s all grades, kindergarten through the eighth. If you were interested in going to high school, it was about forty miles across the turnpike. We were told that the only kids that needed to go to high school were the ones that were good enough at sports, and those that were “just to damned lazy to work.” I tried my damnedest to have the skill to be an athlete. Some things you are born with, some well, you’re not. That is not to say that I was not athletic, I was, but Oklahoma State University was not looking real hard for my house, dig? I was actually involved with sports, starting with little league baseball, from the second grade, on. In seventh and eighth grades, I wrestled. That’s what this story is about.
Like I said before, as far as being as good as the other boys were in sports, sure, I was usually pi…

Mikey Levin

Mikey Levin was a kid I knew in junior high school. He was like the smallest guy in the seventh grade. You know how every seventh grade has this one really small kid? That was Mikey. He was pretty smart and everybody dug him for a million reasons, especially because he was little. Everybody’s baby brother.
Anyways, one day me and Mikey were playing ping pong during our lunch break. Ping pong was the big activity at our school and he and I were both known to be pretty good. Not the best in school, but certainly we both ranked in the top ten.
We were playing like three out of five or so and were down to the last game. We were in a dead heat and this was gonna be the final point. Very tense there in the seventh grade lunch room at a small town school, Somewhere, U.S.A.
Mikey won the final point much to my dismay and I began to playfully chase him through the hallway. Just before he pulled out of my reach for about the tenth time, I kicked out my foot to intentionally knock…

Duane's Song

I was raised in a rural area outside of Tulsa, Oklahoma. We were dirt poor from the early sixties up until 1972 when my mother was the victim of a violent, drunken abuser. She wound up dead way before her time and way before us kids had a chance to grow up.
I was eleven then.  My closest brother was Duane. This is Duane’s story .He was born only a matter of several months after I was. We had the same father.  By the time Duane was actually born, our father was doing a life sentence in state prison for murder.
Duane was born gay, I don’t care what any crackpot will tell you, there was never a decision for him to make about his sexuality. While the rest of us played baseball and rode horses, and learned to hunt and fish, Duane would secretly steal my youngest sister’s Barbie dolls, Keep them in an unknown location and privately live in a world only he knew. Well, we knew, but we loved him and knew he was different and he was one of us.
When Duane was twelve years old, I wa…

Socially speaking..

I guess it was about six years ago, I was driving my truck on the freeway.  I had an awful lot on my mind.  I had been to see a medical doctor that day and he had given some real tough stuff to think about.  The test weren’t back but it appeared as though I may have some awful, deadly, frightening, condition to fight.  I was taken by surprise and, found myself to be introspective, even thoughtful.
I had never, at that time, really considered my own death.  I always had a kind of devil-may-care attitude about it and kept it quite far from my conscious thoughts.
That day was different.  I wondered if there really was a god?  I wondered, if there were, did that mean that my death is only the beginning then?  I started really thinking about that.  While still driving I kind of came to the conclusion that most likely, that would not be the case.  I just started thinking about how very, very wrong we, as human beings, always are.  Remember, “the world is flat”, “The sun goes …