Thursday, March 1, 2012

Road Rage, musings.

Every once in a while, life gets real tough for me.  I have some issues and sometimes regular shit gets too much for me.  When this happens, I'm in danger of hurting someone or, mostly, myself. I don't mean I could hurt myself like, physically.  No I mean like ending up in prison or, more likely, chasing people away from me who are at that moment, the most important people in my life.   I'm 6'7", 275 lbs., weightlifting and good luck has made me pretty intimidating to look at. Especially when I try.
 Sometimes, during one of these episodes of difficulty, I have a tendency to scare other folks.  I'm really no threat to any one else and I know it.  I guess there are times when I'm the only one who knows it.  Yesterday, while driving through traffic,  I had an occasion to get a bit heated. Some other weary traveler had cut me off and continued on their merry way.  I usually am not a 'road rager'.  I pretty much laugh it off by turning the hillbilly music up a little louder and smoking …something'.  But, Like I said, sometimes life is hard for me.  Sometimes the ability to handle normal situations escapes me.  Life baffles me and I then become , umm, dangerous?  Anyway, yesterday was just that kind of time.  I chased this other car, recklessly.  I wove in and out of traffic, I even got up on a curb or two, just to let this other driver know they had somehow invaded my little space.  I followed this car for what had to be three miles in heavy traffic.  All the while screaming red-faced and manic as hell.  Self-righteously convinced that I needed to give this person the business for not driving the way I would have wanted.  I finally got a break when the other driver got stuck on a highway on-ramp.  I went half up on the curb to get around other drivers and close to my adversary.  I jumped out of my truck in a full on rage, screaming, threatening, and completely making an ass of myself.  I got to the window of the other car without ever once seeing the other driver. When I finally did, my fists were clenched in what was about to be a window smashing tightness when up from the front of the car looked up an elderly woman.  She had to have been eighty. Completely oblivious to me, had no idea she had cut me off and started this tirade. I knew all this instantly, without a doubt.  I had just spent the better part of twenty minutes or so chasing down, with intent to do damage to, someone's grandma, great-grandma. I  felt like an ass.  With good reason, I have been taught, and still believe, that it is my job to protect her, to stand in the way of any harm coming to her and here I was acting like a spoiled child.  To this moment she still has no idea that she pissed me off.  She has no idea the lesson she taught me and I hope she never does.  It would probably scare the hell out of her.  To all of you who may have a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother on the road, I truly apologize


This is exactly what I try very hard to do, each of these tips. It is not easy and requires practice. This is just one of the things that...